Personal Boundaries




Boundaries are personal property lines that define who you are and who you are not, and influence all areas of your life. Physical boundaries help you determine who may touch you and under what circumstances. Mental boundaries give you the freedom to have your own thoughts and opinions.” [Amazon]

Many people I encounter in my healing work need boundary repair and maintenance. Some with weak boundaries are too easily influenced by others.  Some pick up as their own the feelings and thoughts of others.  Some have weak immune systems, the immune system being the physical aspect of boundaries – “me” vs “not me”.  Others with rigid boundaries may not be able to tune into others or to allow intimacy.  Some flip back & forth between weak boundaries and rigid ones – from “come hither” to “go away”, with nothing in between. Some have energy cords from others invading their boundaries (see for more on this).

Many healers and psychics have porous boundaries, myself included.  That’s what lets us tune into other people and to merge our energy with theirs.  Great for readings or healing work, but a pain for us if we can’t strengthen our boundaries for day to day life.  I need adjustable boundaries so I can merge if appropriate and draw back into my own ego when appropriate.

 burning-candle-hiI like to think of my boundary as a flame around a candle.  My energy radiates around me like the heat radiates from the flame of the candle.  Around a flame there is bubble of heat. There’s an “boundary” at which I start feeling the heat. Similarly my energy – a blend of heat, electric impulses and heaven knows what – forms a bubble around me.  I sense when someone crosses into that bubble and unconsciously they sense it as well.  That bubble is the boundary of my personal space.

There are a number of ways to adjust boundaries – grounding, visualizations, physical exercises, etc.  Rather than going into those here, I want to share about an experience I had in which my boundaries got stronger simply from being around someone with good boundaries.

Great boundaries after greeting all these & more? Wow!

Great boundaries after greeting all these & more? Wow!

Several years ago I went to a convention to see a favorite actor.  While waiting for my photo with him, I watched how he interacted his fans.  He greeted everyone warmly – with hugs even! – though he had only about 20 seconds with each of us.  Unlike some other actors,  he didn’t pull energy from the fans (“Love me! Adore me!”). Nor did he push them away energetically (“Don’t look me in the eye!”). It was clear that he was simply himself and not at all any of his roles nor who I had imagined him to be. He was perfectly grounded and centered, with excellent boundaries. Impressive! I’d like boundaries like that!



When it became time for my picture, he hugged me, and much to my surprise, I noticed that I immediately became more grounded and centered myself. More me.  Have you heard how a tuning fork that’s vibrating can set up a vibration in another tuning fork at rest? The same things happens in electrical circuits – a wire with a current running through it can induce a current in a wire next to it.  This actor had a strong enough presence, strong enough boundaries, that my boundaries could pick up his resonance, just from being near him.  “Downloading a template of his boundaries” is my engineering-y way of saying it.

This was mildly interesting – but months later it proved very useful indeed.

I was doing some healing work on someone who had a lot of toxins and was swollen so badly that it was painful to walk. I started flushing a clogged meridian by holding two points and running energy between them.  The energy moved and the pain decreased.  But my hand started hurting – a sign that I was picking up the toxic energy, that my own boundaries were letting some of the toxicity. Not good!  I grounded, feeling my feet connect to the floor. I envisioned myself surrounded with a protective screen, but still I felt the toxicity.  Out of the blue, I remembered what it had been like to hug the actor at the convention. Wow! Just as had happened in person,  my boundaries noticeably strengthened.  From then on I could flush the meridians without taking on the toxic energy. The client left walking more easily and slept that night for the first time without pain.

To this day, when I need to boost my boundaries, I remember that hug – and it happens. Go figure!

About Lindsaysf

Aquarian, with Virgo/Leo rising. An infrastructure kind of person ("Hmm, I wonder how this works!") Former engineer. Training designer. Crystal healer. I have a private practice using stones, hands-on energy, bodywork to release blocks, fill in gaps, and allow energy to flow optimally.
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