Conversation with the Alternate Me Who Chose the “Normal” Life

Glade1I sometimes do a form of journeying in my sessions and in my own meditations. I’ve posted a couple here.  As with all such explorations, I do my preparations.  For my “alternate self” explorations, I start with the same image, a glade, warm and inviting, surrounded by trees. There are wildflowers, bees and butterflies dancing in the soft breeze. I come here to communicate with alternate selves – the “me’s” from other realities or other timelines from whom I can learn.

pipestone-boulders-0722My perch is on a large rock in the center of the glade. I find my special place, a hollow just right for me to sit comfortably. I relax and breathe, imaging the sunlight in the foliage and warmth on my back.

Today I’m wondering if my choices were wrong, if I “went astray” in not following a more traditional woman’s path. I want to connect with an alternate self who took the path I avoided, the path of marriage and children and “normality”. Once I am settled in, I call out, asking her to appear.

It takes a few minutes, but gradually I can see her approaching in my mind’s eye.  She comes toward me through the grass.  She looks like me, but no purple streaks in her hair. She’s a bit thicker in the waist. I notice her wedding ring. She looks at me quizzically.  She’s as curious about me as I am about her.

“Are you who I would have been if I’d never married or had children?  If I’d chosen a career instead? That sounds exciting.”

Hmm, I guess it has its exciting moments, but doesn’t every path?  I ask her what it’s like to have one partner, to plan a life based on husband and children. Instead of answering she offers to switch psyches with me, letting each of us experience being the other directly. Whoa! Is that possible?  Even as I wonder, I find myself experiencing her life.

I feel the sweet romance as she found a man to marry.  I’m surprised to realize that it isn’t so much a falling in love as knowing that she wanted to build a family and connecting with a man who wanted the same.  I feel the comfort of lying in bed with one person over the years, of increasingly ‘fitting’ with one another. Their excitement at pregnancy and the heaviness as the life within her grew. The agony and relief of birth.  The bustle of growing children and school and worklife. The pleasure of little things – a child’s first “art work” posted on the refrigerator, comforting skinned knees and bruises. Her pride as a child moves ahead in school. I feel the poignancy as the children grow more independent and experience the quiet smile and shared look with her husband as they adjust to their changing relationship with each other and the children.

Gradually I come back to awareness of my own life and my own choices. She laughs that she found my life very exciting. Having a career, working with colleagues, traveling around the country and interviewing different people. Giving presentations and classes, being seen as “an expert”. But, she confesses, she found it a bit overwhelming and exhausting.  I admit that I found her life rich, but for me, a little…well, dull. Much of the same day to day  – same activities, same people, same environment. We smile at each other, with greater understanding of our sameness and differences.

I come away, realizing that my life has evolved from a series of choices.  These choices have been consistent with what is important to me, so that my life is perfect for me. It cannot be compared to any other.




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Ritual Works! Released Chronic Attitudes

I’ve never been a fan of rituals. Those from my youth seemed empty, dead, meaningless. But this summer a friend took me to a store in New York, Enchantments, that abounds with tools for rituals. I watched one of the people create a candle for use in a ritual. Runes, astrological sign, glitter, scented oils – as she carved the symbols I could feel the power building in the candle. Impressive!

celtic-pendant-with-runesThere were objects that drew me to buy them. A stone with an unusual variation of a familiar rune. A pendant with runes and Celtic symbols. Incense for “Uncrossing”. When I researched the pendant, I was appalled to find that it spoke of love relationship. Ugh! I don’t want to go there again!

The stone was a Hawks Eye, a blue tiger’s eye, with a rune Berkanahawk-eye-berkana, paired with its reversed form. Berkana is often related to fertility. Double ugh! But I researched further and found phrases I relate to: “Now is the time to put the knowledge and wisdom you have learned into practice…Plans, ideas and concepts that you thought were sound may turn out to be a waste of your time and effort. Do not allow this to discourage you – it is merely indicating that a different concept or angle must be looked at.” [Artist Komickrazi’s tumblr]

Hmm, What does all this have to do with me?  I sat with my journal and asked my Guidance.  They said that my “ugh” responses showed the blocks – “crossings”- that stand in the way of my relationships. My “ideas and concepts” come from the pain in my past relationships and from my impressions watching those around me.  Most marriages I saw, while fine for those in them,  were not examples of what could support and expand my own path. Society promoted what I saw as bondage.  There is a large storehouse of old ideas and distorted memories that I thought were sound for filtering my own experiences. I need to let go of that. I need a “different concept or angle”.

Yeah, right. Easier said than done.


Some ritual aids

So my Guides gave me an uncrossing ritual, to repeat regularly over a period of time. 2 weeks – a fortnight. Starting at the dark of the moon and continuing until full moon. With dedicated candles and uncrossing herbs. I was to take a bath or shower every day, at the end pouring a cleansing tea of 3 herbs over me and I stated my intent: “I ask the release of old pains and beliefs that inhibit my love relationships.” Rather than towel dry, I was to air dry while lighting 2 candles anointed with special scented oils and, standing between the candles, repeating my intent.

I did it. Every day for 2 weeks. While it felt powerful, I didn’t notice any difference.


me with 7 of 9!

A couple of weeks later I went to the Las Vegas Star Trek convention. It was a blast! I had lots of fun and interacted with a lot of fascinating folks.  I was delighted with everything and had magical connections.  Wait! The previous times I had gone to STLV, I felt isolated and awkward. I never connected with anyone. Why was this so different?  I could feel my Guides grin. “It’s the ritual!” they whispered. Shoot, in the past I automatically scanned for someone to be the single relationship to define my life!  I hadn’t seen that relationships are all around me! “Relationship” doesn’t only mean “lover” or BFF.  Before I’d wanted people to be interested in me Now I was interested in them and exulting in our shared love of Trek. I connected without expectations. Had fun with what was in front of me.  Well, well. The ritual worked.

I’m not going to scoff at rituals any more. I’ll use them to support elusive intents and to release blocks I keep holding onto. In my own crystal healing work, usually the energy pattern is shifted without needing followup work, but homework of a ritual may help shift the thoughts, feelings and attitudes more quickly.

Yea ritual!

Want to use a ritual for your own long held blocks?  Relationships? Fears? Negative thinking?  Chronic procrastination?  Your ritual can be as simple as lighting a dedicated candle each morning for a week or as thorough as mine.  There are folks around who specialize in rituals – pipe ceremonies, sweats, etc. Look for them or explore on your own.  You can contact me for suggestions. Here are some of the websites that might be helpful:

The store in NYC with oils, incense, ritual candles, etc:

A description of an uncrossing ritual:

Some other background information and suggestions on herbs, colors, etc.

Note: Some sites that came up had to do with hexes from others, an approach I haven’t found useful. For me there is too much of a victim tone and projection onto others. It has been much more powerful to look within myself for the origin of blocks or for what in me opens me to undesirable influences.


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ReFraming Fear

I’m having a hard time these days. The politics have gotten to me. The Other Side is so clearly wrong and My Side is so clearly right.  I fear dire consequences if the O.S. prevails – and unbelievably there are rumors that they might.  Arggggh! I fear the End of The World as We Know It.  So I turned to my Guidance via journalling for comfort.

2 wolvesInstead my Guides point out to me that I have been reminding those coming to me feeling under psychic attack that their very fear is what opens them to negative emotions. “Ahem,” they continue. “You do know that applies to you as well.  We’re not saying you should take no action, but we do say that if you entertain the fear, it will grow.”  Drat! It’s the parable of the two wolves again.

My Guides continued, “You have your own anger about the Other Side and would like to see them suffer and admit they are wrong.  The child wants an apology from the parent.

“We want you to shift yourself about the Other Side. Get a picture of him and emoji grinput it on your altar. Light a candle for him. Pray that he follow his own path. You really do not know what is best in this case. …But we don’t suggest that you send him $$!  ”  Comedians I’ve got as guides.

I don’t like this. Not at all. Yes I know enough about energy to know that what my Guides say is best. But I like to rant and rave.  I  like the stimulation of girdling my loins and going to war.  Yes, yes. I see the cosmic eye-roll and I hear that such is what keeps us embroiled in conflict. OK, I will do it. But I don’t like it.

Altar altered

There. The picture. The special candle. My altar. I’m not doing well with the praying bit. Best I can do is pray to my Higher Power, “Thy will be done”.  A conversation with a friend who is voting for the Other Side shows me that my heart is definitely not open. I’m still very much in judgment. Acceptance eludes me.

My Guidance had added that I do know how to practice releasing fear. I know how to center. I can wear items of positive energy to keep me aligned to that.  I also know how to use stones to help me reframe.  So I did a calcite layout on myself tonight.

CALCITE choicesIn my world, the rhomboid form of calcite (a slanty cube) suggests reframing.   It’s easy to get caught in thinking something has to be one way or the other, either “this” or “that”, “x” or “y”.  The calcite cube reminds us that there is a third axis,  many different “this” and “that” possibilities.  We don’t have to stay trapped in an either/or way of looking.

calcite stones

Stones used for my calcite layout

For my calcite layout, I lay down in my healing room, on my healing table.  I placed a black tourmaline at my feet to “ground” me and an obsidian egg at my root to make my subconscious more accessible. Then at least one calcite of appropriate color at each chakra. On a whim, I placed green Varisite at my solar plexus, to connect with deep earth wisdom. The pattern created by the stones felt profound in a way I can’t explain. I relaxed into the energy for 30 minutes or so, until I started to get twitchy.

And now?  I don’t know yet. I haven’t run to my altar to blow kisses to the Other Side. Maybe tomorrow I can do better with my prayers and acceptance.



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Waltz for the New Age

Here’s an oldie, just because. With a grin and much thanks to Romanovsky and Phillips.

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Welcome, 2016!

I like to honor a new year by drawing a rune for the coming year.  The one I drew for 2016 is one I wish for all of us!

Viking Rune WunjoWunjo, meaning Joy – Light

“This Rune is a fruit-bearing branch. The term of travail is ended and you have come to yourself in some regard. The shift that was due has occurred and now you can freely receive Wunjo’s blessings, whether they be in material gain, in your emotional life or in a heightened sense and awareness of your own well-being.

“This is an alchemical moment in which understanding is transmuted from knowledge. The knowledge itself was a necessary but not sufficient condition; now you can rejoice, having been carried across the gap by the Will of Heaven.

“Joyousness accompanies new energy, energy blocked before now. Light pierces the clouds and
touches the waters just as something lovely emerges from the depths: the soul is illuminated from within, at the meeting place of Heaven and Earth, the meeting of the waters.

“There is a new clarity which may call for you to renounce existing plans, ambitions, goals. It is proper and timely for you to do so, for Wunjo is a Rune of restoration, of the self properly aligned to the Self.”

from Ralph Blum’s Book of Runes

What are your hopes and dreams for the year to come? (Click the “leave a comment” link under the title.)

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Rand Lee: A Message From “The Family”: On the Dream-State

My crystal sessions often encourage the person to move through different layers of consciousness, or what is often called Dream States. So I get asked about these different states.  Rand Lee has one of the clearest explanations I’ve run across.  Take a look here!

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Personal Boundaries




Boundaries are personal property lines that define who you are and who you are not, and influence all areas of your life. Physical boundaries help you determine who may touch you and under what circumstances. Mental boundaries give you the freedom to have your own thoughts and opinions.” [Amazon]

Many people I encounter in my healing work need boundary repair and maintenance. Some with weak boundaries are too easily influenced by others.  Some pick up as their own the feelings and thoughts of others.  Some have weak immune systems, the immune system being the physical aspect of boundaries – “me” vs “not me”.  Others with rigid boundaries may not be able to tune into others or to allow intimacy.  Some flip back & forth between weak boundaries and rigid ones – from “come hither” to “go away”, with nothing in between. Some have energy cords from others invading their boundaries (see for more on this).

Many healers and psychics have porous boundaries, myself included.  That’s what lets us tune into other people and to merge our energy with theirs.  Great for readings or healing work, but a pain for us if we can’t strengthen our boundaries for day to day life.  I need adjustable boundaries so I can merge if appropriate and draw back into my own ego when appropriate.

 burning-candle-hiI like to think of my boundary as a flame around a candle.  My energy radiates around me like the heat radiates from the flame of the candle.  Around a flame there is bubble of heat. There’s an “boundary” at which I start feeling the heat. Similarly my energy – a blend of heat, electric impulses and heaven knows what – forms a bubble around me.  I sense when someone crosses into that bubble and unconsciously they sense it as well.  That bubble is the boundary of my personal space.

There are a number of ways to adjust boundaries – grounding, visualizations, physical exercises, etc.  Rather than going into those here, I want to share about an experience I had in which my boundaries got stronger simply from being around someone with good boundaries.

Great boundaries after greeting all these & more? Wow!

Great boundaries after greeting all these & more? Wow!

Several years ago I went to a convention to see a favorite actor.  While waiting for my photo with him, I watched how he interacted his fans.  He greeted everyone warmly – with hugs even! – though he had only about 20 seconds with each of us.  Unlike some other actors,  he didn’t pull energy from the fans (“Love me! Adore me!”). Nor did he push them away energetically (“Don’t look me in the eye!”). It was clear that he was simply himself and not at all any of his roles nor who I had imagined him to be. He was perfectly grounded and centered, with excellent boundaries. Impressive! I’d like boundaries like that!



When it became time for my picture, he hugged me, and much to my surprise, I noticed that I immediately became more grounded and centered myself. More me.  Have you heard how a tuning fork that’s vibrating can set up a vibration in another tuning fork at rest? The same things happens in electrical circuits – a wire with a current running through it can induce a current in a wire next to it.  This actor had a strong enough presence, strong enough boundaries, that my boundaries could pick up his resonance, just from being near him.  “Downloading a template of his boundaries” is my engineering-y way of saying it.

This was mildly interesting – but months later it proved very useful indeed.

I was doing some healing work on someone who had a lot of toxins and was swollen so badly that it was painful to walk. I started flushing a clogged meridian by holding two points and running energy between them.  The energy moved and the pain decreased.  But my hand started hurting – a sign that I was picking up the toxic energy, that my own boundaries were letting some of the toxicity. Not good!  I grounded, feeling my feet connect to the floor. I envisioned myself surrounded with a protective screen, but still I felt the toxicity.  Out of the blue, I remembered what it had been like to hug the actor at the convention. Wow! Just as had happened in person,  my boundaries noticeably strengthened.  From then on I could flush the meridians without taking on the toxic energy. The client left walking more easily and slept that night for the first time without pain.

To this day, when I need to boost my boundaries, I remember that hug – and it happens. Go figure!
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