This article was published in E.P.I.C., May-June 2014. The version below includes images not included in the printed version.
Ideally all relationships would be based on equality, not on neediness. But most of us aren’t there yet. Is there someone around whom you feel drained? Do you carry the voice of parental put-downs in your head? Are you still tied to a relationship that has ended? Do you keep getting snagged on the same emotional “hooks”? While therapy can help with these, it can also be beneficial to work with them energetically, imagining them as energy cords between you and another that can be resolved.
We are all made up of energy. Blocks and leaks and snarls in our energy weaken us and leave us open to dysfunctional behavior and illness. Fortunately we can learn to maintain our own energy. If we need help, there are many practitioners who work with energy in a variety of ways.
Resolving cords that bind us to another person is one way we can keep our energy flowing and healthy. You can do it yourself or find someone to assist you. As an example of the technique, let’s look at Joyce, a composite of several people I’ve worked with. There are several stones I’ve found helpful, ones that are easy to obtain.
Joyce wanted to be stronger in carrying out her work. She had low energy and was held back by self-doubt. She realized that this came from her mother’s criticism of her when she was a child, but knowing that didn’t make it go away. As a first step in checking for binding cords, she surrounded herself with a protective shield and imagined her mother standing in front of her. To reinforce the protection, I surrounded her with hematite stones. Could she imagine a cord of energy between them? Yes! It was a thick cord from her mother into Joyce’s solar plexus!
We’re speaking in terms of visual images, but that may not be your style. Are you more kinesthetic? When you do this for yourself, feel in your body what tightens when you think about the person who drains you or diminishes you. Are you more auditory? Imagine hearing their voice and noticing what in you tightens.
Hematite helps shield.
If the person was actively harmful, you may want to first protect yourself – holding hematite, surrounding yourself with light, imagining the person so far away that you just begin to feel your response to them. It doesn’t matter if the person is living or dead, you can still check for cords and resolve them.
Imagining this binding cord lets us work with it energetically, without having to get into the story around that relationship. Joyce’s mother may have wanted to feel some degree of power in a loveless situation. Unconsciously she may put Joyce down so she could feel superior. But it’s not necessary to know that. All that’s needed is to imagine the cord and work with it.
The binding cords you imagine may vary in what need they represent and in how this need is acted out. They may vary in how you have responded to them and where you feel them attach. What is consistent is that they limit you and drain your energy.
Cutting cords may not work
Notice that we’re talking about “resolving” and “releasing” cords, not “cutting” them. When the idea of working with cords first surfaced years ago, the answer was to cut them, to imagine severing the cord with a sword or laser crystal wand. Many still suggest this. It may give some relief, but my colleagues and I find that often the cord quickly grows back, like a weed. So what works better?
Remove the Roots:
With a weed, it is much more effective to remove the roots than to cut the stem. As long as the roots are in place, the weed will come back. This is true of binding energy cords as well. It is best if the person extending the cord can pull all of it back into their own being. If they can, thus meeting or releasing their own needs, everybody gains. Of course, this doesn’t mean walking up to the person in the physical and asking them to stop cording you! They wouldn’t have a clue what you were talking about. It is much more effective to go into a meditative state and ask their higher self to retract the cord, roots and all.
malachite aids extracting
What if they don’t? What then? Bring in help from Spirit! I suggested to Joyce that she ask her guides to help her gently pull out the cord as I placed malachite on her solar plexus to help with the extraction. Slowly and gently, her guides pulled the cord, including the roots, until it was free of Joyce. But the cord needs to be secured in some way so it doesn’t try to reconnect. So we asked the guides to connect the cord to Infinite Source, which can be imagined as a sun or a huge tree. Ah, much better!
When you do this for yourself, ask for help from Spirit in whatever way is comfortable for you. Some people relate better to Guardian Angels; some to Higher Self; some to Christ Consciousness.
A Parallel Cord?
We’re not done yet. There are often two cords – not only the one from Joyce’s mother to her, but also one from Joyce to her mother! Joyce had a need-based connection as well. Perhaps the child needed her mother’s attention and developed ways of eliciting it, even if the attention was criticism. Joyce was asked to look for a cord from her to her mother. She could sense it – a small cord but there it was. Now that she was free of her mother’s cord, Joyce could draw this smaller cord back from the image of her mother and back into her own energy field.
When you do this, it may help to ask yourself “If there was such a cord, if I was looking for energy of some kind from this person, where would it extend from in me?” If you don’t get a response, that’s okay. It may not be something you need to work with now.
Healing the Wound:
Joyce is now free of binding cords. There is still the wound where it was, the hole in her energy where her mother’s cord had been. Joyce imagined filling the hole with a soothing salve or light and placing an etheric band-aid on it. A blue smithsonite or some chrysocolla placed on the area can help seal the aura.
When you do this for yourself, you may find it helpful to place your hands over the place you felt the person’s cord attach to you. Let the warmth of your hands fill any wound left. If in the next few days you feel vulnerability there, just gently use the energy from your hands to sooth it.
As we become more aware of the subtle yet powerful energies around us, we can address drains on our energy before they debilitate us. Notice if you feel uncomfortable around someone and check for any cords. They may not come from that person themselves, but rather that person may remind you of someone you were negatively attached to in the past. Even if the other person isn’t on this plane anymore, you can use the steps above to check for binding cords and resolve them.